Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Monday, January 18, 2010
Blonde in White Knickers
This is just something that ran through my head the other day and I managed to capture her on paper. It's a cute little blonde in white frilly briefs and a skull T-shirt. I've included the initial rough sketch, and a more refined ink and marker rendition. At some point I may do a polished, digital version, or I may just leave her as is.
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Thursday, January 14, 2010
Funny Stuff : Free Mattress
I apologize for the lack of posts lately, with the holidays and whatnot I've just had too many things going at once. Anyway, I've started walking for at least a half hour every single day this year (although I did miss last Friday to be honest). Nevertheless, a couple of streets over I found the inspiration for today's sketch: a lumpy, mismatched, piss-stained mattress and box springs "set" that someone had put in front of their house with a hand lettered FREE sign on it. When I first noticed this astounding treasure, we had been having somewhat of a dry patch, but it began to rain shortly after, and now it has been thoroughly soaked with rain, although I would imagine it has diluted the urine a bit. I was just by there this evening, and someone has flipped it over now, so that it just lies in the parking area in front of the house. I'll keep you posted on how long before someone hauls it off, or maybe it will just rot in place.
* Update February 24, 2010
I walked by earlier this afternoon and noticed that the set is now gone without a trace. At one point several weeks ago someone had propped them back up to their original position, although the sign had been removed (but I'm sure you could have haggled for it). Of course, it's too late now, you missed your chance. I don't have an exact time lapse but I would say it sat out for about 7 -8 weeks at least.
* Update February 24, 2010
I walked by earlier this afternoon and noticed that the set is now gone without a trace. At one point several weeks ago someone had propped them back up to their original position, although the sign had been removed (but I'm sure you could have haggled for it). Of course, it's too late now, you missed your chance. I don't have an exact time lapse but I would say it sat out for about 7 -8 weeks at least.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Ths Unwitting Wolly-Gobbler
*Yes, I know it has been quite awhile since I've posted anything here, but I'm hoping to change the flavor a bit and do a couple of posts like this one a few times a month, as well as getting more sketches scanned in in and posted. Thanks for your patience.
For those of you who may have forgotten the playground taunts of your youth, a wolly-gobbler, is a person who bites fart bubbles in the bath tub (presumably their own, although I would assume any fart bubble would qualify). The reason I bring this up is because there are certain situations in life that require a person to retaliate in a childish, vulgar fashion. Oddly, I ran into just such an occasion only last week when I was at the pool doing my daily swim. I noticed a young woman standing at the edge of the pool, and although she didn't say anything to me, it was clear she intended to share my lane, which is fine, since there are only six of them, and swimmers often have to double or even triple up. I don't
have a problem with this, however there is a certain faction of swimmers whom I think of as the elitist dipshits, and they seem to feel that their workout is much more important than those of anyone else, and as it turned out this little squim was one of them. Unfortunately, I didn't know this at the time, so without breaking my rhythm, I made room for her by taking one side of the lane and leaving the other half for her. However, when I got to the far end of the pool and started back for the return trip, I was surprised to see her barreling down on top of me. I quickly paddled over to the other side of the lane and resumed swimming, thinking that she was doing what I call the loop (and I'm sure the elitists know the proper term for it) which simply means everyone in the lane swims in the same direction in a donut shaped pattern, similar to race cars, oh and incidentally it is usually reserved for times when there are three or more swimmers in a lane. A little unorthodox I thought, but I can adjust. Alas, when I got to the other end, there she was coming at me full force, going the wrong way—again. So, I returned to the original side to again split the lane, thinking that she had realized what I was doing and was making a feeble attempt to play nice. And it seemed she was doing exactly that . . . for the next lap or two, but after that, I'll be a God Damn if she didn't do it yet again. Unbelievable! At that point it had become blatantly obvious that she was just being a twat and trying to chase me out of my own lane so that she could have the whole thing. Well, I'm not one to stand for that horse excrement! By now, the bratty little quince had gone back to her own side of the lane, but I was still greatly irritated and knew it was only a matter of time before she would return to her obnoxious behavior. Now as luck would have it, an amazing intestinal opportunity presented itself just as she approached me, and with precision timing . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . BLÄAAAPFT!! — I kicked loose with a stout blast just as we met halfway across the pool. I'm not sure if she actually heard my flatulence over all that splashing or if she merely tasted it in the water, and honestly I like to think it was a bit of both. What I do know for certain, is that she got out of the pool immediately afterward, so unless it was an unbelievable coincidence, my point had been made. Score one for the old gassy fellow!
For those of you who may have forgotten the playground taunts of your youth, a wolly-gobbler, is a person who bites fart bubbles in the bath tub (presumably their own, although I would assume any fart bubble would qualify). The reason I bring this up is because there are certain situations in life that require a person to retaliate in a childish, vulgar fashion. Oddly, I ran into just such an occasion only last week when I was at the pool doing my daily swim. I noticed a young woman standing at the edge of the pool, and although she didn't say anything to me, it was clear she intended to share my lane, which is fine, since there are only six of them, and swimmers often have to double or even triple up. I don't
have a problem with this, however there is a certain faction of swimmers whom I think of as the elitist dipshits, and they seem to feel that their workout is much more important than those of anyone else, and as it turned out this little squim was one of them. Unfortunately, I didn't know this at the time, so without breaking my rhythm, I made room for her by taking one side of the lane and leaving the other half for her. However, when I got to the far end of the pool and started back for the return trip, I was surprised to see her barreling down on top of me. I quickly paddled over to the other side of the lane and resumed swimming, thinking that she was doing what I call the loop (and I'm sure the elitists know the proper term for it) which simply means everyone in the lane swims in the same direction in a donut shaped pattern, similar to race cars, oh and incidentally it is usually reserved for times when there are three or more swimmers in a lane. A little unorthodox I thought, but I can adjust. Alas, when I got to the other end, there she was coming at me full force, going the wrong way—again. So, I returned to the original side to again split the lane, thinking that she had realized what I was doing and was making a feeble attempt to play nice. And it seemed she was doing exactly that . . . for the next lap or two, but after that, I'll be a God Damn if she didn't do it yet again. Unbelievable! At that point it had become blatantly obvious that she was just being a twat and trying to chase me out of my own lane so that she could have the whole thing. Well, I'm not one to stand for that horse excrement! By now, the bratty little quince had gone back to her own side of the lane, but I was still greatly irritated and knew it was only a matter of time before she would return to her obnoxious behavior. Now as luck would have it, an amazing intestinal opportunity presented itself just as she approached me, and with precision timing . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . BLÄAAAPFT!! — I kicked loose with a stout blast just as we met halfway across the pool. I'm not sure if she actually heard my flatulence over all that splashing or if she merely tasted it in the water, and honestly I like to think it was a bit of both. What I do know for certain, is that she got out of the pool immediately afterward, so unless it was an unbelievable coincidence, my point had been made. Score one for the old gassy fellow!
Friday, July 3, 2009
More Poop Greeting Cards!
As you may have guessed, I've been going through some old files as of late. I never realized how many poop related greeting cards I've done over the years. This is one I did for my friend, Pea, for her birthday also in 2006. The thing about sending Pea cards, is that it is nearly impossible to offend her. Seriously, I have sent images of masturbating clowns (with two penises), anthropomorphic vulvae, and a number of things in that vein, which I can't recall at the moment, but the point is that none of it phased her.Anyway, this is her dog, Klaus, he's a tea cup dachshund, and he loves to eat cat poop. He's also extremely vindictive, and if you dress him up in, oh, say a Santa outfit for Christmas, he will urinate on your feet—twice! Anyway, the small one is just a stand alone of Klaus with a big ol' turd in his mouth, which I believe was on the back of the card, and the bigger one below is the actual front of the card. I'm afraid my lettering was pretty crappy on that particular day. It reads: . . . and upon waking from his mid-morning nap, Klaus was delighted to discover that the "Kitty-Roca Fairy" had once agin paid a magical visit, [Note: I should have left it off at this point] leaving behind the most delectable treats. Oh, and his thought balloon reads: Oh Boy! They're Still Warm!
Have a safe & sane 4th of July.
Cheers!
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