Funny Stuff : Free Mattress

I apologize for the lack of posts lately, with the holidays and whatnot I've just had too many things going at once. Anyway, I've started walking for at least a half hour every single day this year (although I did miss last Friday to be honest). Nevertheless, a couple of streets over I found the inspiration for today's sketch: a lumpy, mismatched, piss-stained mattress and box springs "set" that someone had put in front of their house with a hand lettered FREE sign on it. When I first noticed this astounding treasure, we had been having somewhat of a dry patch, but it began to rain shortly after, and now it has been thoroughly soaked with rain, although I would imagine it has diluted the urine a bit. I was just by there this evening, and someone has flipped it over now, so that it just lies in the parking area in front of the house. I'll keep you posted on how long before someone hauls it off, or maybe it will just rot in place.

* Update February 24, 2010
I walked by earlier this afternoon and noticed that the set is now gone without a trace. At one point several weeks ago someone had propped them back up to their original position, although the sign had been removed (but I'm sure you could have haggled for it). Of course, it's too late now, you missed your chance. I don't have an exact time lapse but I would say it sat out for about 7 -8 weeks at least.

Ths Unwitting Wolly-Gobbler

*Yes, I know it has been quite awhile since I've posted anything here, but I'm hoping to change the flavor a bit and do a couple of posts like this one a few times a month, as well as getting more sketches scanned in in and posted. Thanks for your patience.


For those of you who may have forgotten the playground taunts of your youth, a wolly-gobbler, is a person who bites fart bubbles in the bath tub (presumably their own, although I would assume any fart bubble would qualify). The reason I bring this up is because there are certain situations in life that require a person to retaliate in a childish, vulgar fashion. Oddly, I ran into just such an occasion only last week when I was at the pool doing my daily swim. I noticed a young woman standing at the edge of the pool, and although she didn't say anything to me, it was clear she intended to share my lane, which is fine, since there are only six of them, and swimmers often have to double or even triple up. I don't have a problem with this, however there is a certain faction of swimmers whom I think of as the elitist dipshits, and they seem to feel that their workout is much more important than those of anyone else, and as it turned out this little squim was one of them. Unfortunately, I didn't know this at the time, so without breaking my rhythm, I made room for her by taking one side of the lane and leaving the other half for her. However, when I got to the far end of the pool and started back for the return trip, I was surprised to see her barreling down on top of me. I quickly paddled over to the other side of the lane and resumed swimming, thinking that she was doing what I call the loop (and I'm sure the elitists know the proper term for it) which simply means everyone in the lane swims in the same direction in a donut shaped pattern, similar to race cars, oh and incidentally it is usually reserved for times when there are three or more swimmers in a lane. A little unorthodox I thought, but I can adjust. Alas, when I got to the other end, there she was coming at me full force, going the wrong way—again. So, I returned to the original side to again split the lane, thinking that she had realized what I was doing and was making a feeble attempt to play nice. And it seemed she was doing exactly that . . . for the next lap or two, but after that, I'll be a God Damn if she didn't do it yet again. Unbelievable! At that point it had become blatantly obvious that she was just being a twat and trying to chase me out of my own lane so that she could have the whole thing. Well, I'm not one to stand for that horse excrement! By now, the bratty little quince had gone back to her own side of the lane, but I was still greatly irritated and knew it was only a matter of time before she would return to her obnoxious behavior.  Now as luck would have it, an amazing intestinal  opportunity presented itself just as she approached me, and with precision timing . . . 3 . . . 2 . . .  1 . . . BLÄAAAPFT!! — I kicked loose with a stout blast just as we met halfway across the pool. I'm not sure if she actually heard my flatulence over all that splashing or if she merely tasted it in the water, and honestly I like to think it was a bit of both. What I do know for certain, is that she got out of the pool immediately afterward, so unless it was an unbelievable coincidence, my point had been made. Score one for the old gassy fellow!

Pencil Riffs Sketch

Pencil Riffs; Ink & Markers.

Hey kids, not much to write this time, because, I've got tons of stuff to do, but also because I'm not entirely certain what I might do with this sketch. The working title is : Pencil Riffs, and if you like, you can file this one under cloudy foreshadowing (hint-hint). Oh! And did you notice that I have put the image on top? That's an Earthshaking development if ever there was one.

-Cheers.

Original Angry Moon Sketch

Sometimes the idea for an illustration can take a very long time to come to fruition. I mean from concept to final piece, not sketch to final, although that can some times take longer than you might want, too. I guess you could say that some ideas are like a wine, they have to age properly to reach their full potential. Anyway, I don't recall the exact date when I came up with the concept for Angry Moon, but it was at least four years ago, if not longer. After bubbling around in my head for a while, I did this color sketch sometime in 2007, and I think I finished it digitally in 2008—and just for the record, I worked on many other projects in between, its not like I spent 5 years on one illustration. Just wanted to clear that up. And now without further delay here they are.

This is the original color sketch from 2007;
colored pencil on midnight blue pastel paper.


The finished digital illustration from last year,
probably about September or so.

Lovesick Clam

Here is a cute little clam all lovesick and silly. Went to the beach a few weeks ago with my girl, Ace, so I've kind of been on a beach kick lately. Kind of reminiscent of the billboards I used to see along Highways 18 and 101 on the beach trips of my youth. Colored pencil on the back side of pastel paper, less tooth that way.

Pot Roast Guy: Ice Cream Stripes

This is one of my humorous illustrations done in my neo-retro style. Sometimes things are really funny at 4 am, and as I recall that is where this one originated. I wouldn't really call it a cartoon, but the idea was that he would be saying something along the lines of: Oh my stars! My pot roast! When I got the illustration done though, I decided to let it stand on its own, but I still like the name: Pot Roast Guy. So, here he is with a nice striped vintage background reminiscent of Neapolitan ice cream, well except for the teal stripe. He does look quite startled, kind of like the universal look on someone's face who has been walked in on, while they were sitting on the toilet. I'm just saying.